It’s been quite some time since I’ve written in this blog and I have a few reasons. My main reason is that I’ve decided that certain aspects of my life I want to keep more on the private side and the other reason is that I want to focus more on other subjects that I enjoy. When I started my blog I wanted to share parts of myself (from a lesbian perspective) but I am more than a lesbian, I’m woman, a mom a lover a friend…I could go on. So I just came to a point where I did not want to focus just on the “lesbian” aspect of my life. Please don’t get me wrong, I am VERY and always will be proud to be a lesbian – I just do not want that to be my main focus at the moment.
I have decided that I will still post in this blog but it will not be my main focus. I am currently focusing my attention on a new blog that I created: Lipstick & Luxury . As some close friends know I’ve always had a passion for beauty, makeup and luxury items – and this blog will give me a chance to focus on something that I really love and have a passion for. So if you choose – please feel free to follow me there. If not, please stay tuned for more blog posts here on Lipstick in NYC (just not very often).
xoxo,
Lipstick
This morning started off like any other, I got up ran some errands, went to the city for some business and then went to my wife’s job to meet her for lunch. I met her in the lobby of her office building and proceeded upstairs to her office. As usual we ran into a few of her co-workers, some that I had met before and others that I had not. We exchanged pleasantries and went about our business. My wife and I enjoyed a delicious lunch and I left her at her job and headed back home. Once I was home, I received a phone call from her asking if I’d received her email, I had no idea what she was talking about so I logged into my gmail account and read her email. To my surprise was a screen shot of a Facebook page and the following status update from a co-worker and his friends’ responses (copied word for word):
Co-worker: Today I met my co workers wife. It was really an odd experience for me. She has been married to her for a quite some time now with children. SIGH
Friend #1: WOW…
Friend #2: Ummmm….O…if u don’t mind me calling you….u just said she has been married to her….*praying for a typo*
Friend #3: Wait 2 women? N remember the President fathers day speech. So many men have eliminated themselves from the nuclear family that it has made it easy for same sex couples to adopt children
Friend #4: Two women?
Friend #5: Ooohh …yeah… Pretty akward
Friend #4: end times!!
Friend #2: Men as well as women exclude each other from the nuclear fam
Co-worker: yea 2 women
Co-worker: She says, hey o___ this is my wife… i was like um lol nice to meet you
I was incredibly shocked because the man who posted it was someone who I just chatted with a few hours before. When I met this person he immediately stopped to say hi, chatted with me about his morning and not once did I think that he was in any way uncomfortable. After our chat, he went about his day and we went about ours, not having a second thought about our interaction. When I spoke with my wife, she was hurt – she was hurt that someone who was not only her co-worker but someone whom she interacts with on a daily basis felt the need to post this status update to his Facebook page for everyone to see. I on the other hand was very angry, I didn’t understand his point…was it the sheer fact that I’m a lesbian that made him uncomfortable? Was it the fact that we lesbians dared to have children? I really don’t understand the point that he was trying to make at all. What’s clear to me is that he felt the need to share his homophobia with his friends in a very public way and to me that’s the saddest part of all.
Homophobia is a prejudice just like racism or sexism and it’s alive and well everywhere. If those that have an irrational fear of gay people did some research they would find out real facts about homosexuality: Homosexual behaviors have been noted in every primate species studied so far. Homosexuality is also found in all cultures around the world and cultural norms have little difference on homosexual behavior of those inhabitants. Studies have even shown that there is no difference in the psychological well being of child raised by same sex couples or straight couples, yet some will have society believe that homosexuality is not natural and a threat to the sanctity of straight marriage. We as lesbians seek nothing more than respect and equal treatment but because of who we love society feels that it’s ok to ridicule us, bash us and deny us our rights. I am asking every LGBT person out there to adopt a policy of “each one, teach one” – take the time to educate our brothers and sister about LGBT people and issues. This is not only for us but for the children that will come after we are long gone, we all deserve equal rights and fair treatment and we’ve been asking for it for far too long.
Articles of Interest:
Same Sex Couples, Common in the Wild
Sex is not a four letter word, it’s not dirty, shameful or a topic that should be kept out of daily conversation, sex is natural! So it never ceases to amaze me that there are some of my friends that refuse to talk sex. Why? What is so shameful about talking about our sex lives? As you all know I’m a lesbian (hence the blog name) and I think that a lot of lesbian women limit themselves when it comes to sex. If I had a dime for all the times that I heard the question “You like penetration, then how come you don’t like men?” and believe me I am more than happy to answer. For the record, yes I do enjoy penetration (giving and receiving) and no that does not make me bi-sexual or straight. A lesbian by definition is A woman whose sexual orientation is to women - that’s it. There is no set of sexual practices that are specifically for lesbian women only. To put it in much simpler terms, I get off by being with women, men do nothing for me sexually.
I decided to write this post after having a few conversations with some friends and of course the topic of sex/relationships came up. Now I always hear questions about my relationship but not my sex life and honestly I feel that the two go hand in hand. Many friends ask me how do I make it last, how do I keep her interested but few every ask about the sex. And if you know me, then you know I LOVE sex and feel that sex is an important part of my life. Well let me share a little something with you…sexual compatibility is important to any intimate relationship, meaning that you and your partner should be on the same page or at least willing to explore. Luckily I found my soulmate and sexual soulmate because my partner is willing to entertain and explore ANY sexual fantasy that I have. Now when I mean explore, I don’t mean whipped cream and handcuffs..we’ve explored bondage, role-play, D/s dynamics, swinging, voyeurism, flogging, play partners…and I could go on. I find it liberating that I can come home with a blond, a midget, a stun gun and a cattle prod and my wife will offer to make drinks for us (j/k) but in all seriousness she wouldn’t be mad. 
The first step to an amazing sex life is communication – be clear on your boundaries, desires and fantasy’s. This first step is important because your lover needs to know what you want or need in the bedroom. Once you share your desires, you may find that your partner has similar fantasies or is at least interested in exploring your desires with you. The second piece of advice that I would give is to never participate in any sexual activity that you do not enjoy. If you participate in a threesome for example just because your girlfriend wants you to, you will be creating even more problems in your relationship – not to mention the guilt and anxiety that you will feel by doing something that you were not comfortable. I encourage ALL lesbians to explore unconventional lesbian sex with your partner or a cute girl . And by unconventional lesbian sex, I mean, anal sex, suck your girlfriends “strap” (believe me the visual alone will having her digging the skin on your back out), elaborate role play (costumes & all), swinging (if there are no jealousy issues), threesomes, dirty talk (be her personal slut), stripping, sex in public etc. So go out and have some good sex, then come back and tell me all about it.
